Give Thanks In All Circumstances

"Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you." 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 ESV

This seems pretty close to impossible to do when you are facing something really hard. Pray without ceasing? That one seems the most doable when you feel the need for God to give you strength, hope and His presence every day. Rejoice always? Give thanks in all circumstances? How do you do that when faced with the dire news of our unborn son?

But upon further study, upon further understanding of the story of the Bible, who God is, and what He has done, this can make sense even in the hardest things. Even the author, Paul, hadn't had an easy life - "imprisonments, with countless beatings, and often near death. Five times I received at the hands of the Jews the forty lashes less one. Three times I was beaten with rods. Once I was stoned. Three times I was shipwrecked; a night and a day I was adrift at sea; on frequent journeys, in danger from rivers, danger from robbers, danger from my own people, danger from Gentiles, danger in the city, danger in the wilderness, danger at sea, danger from false brothers; in toil and hardship, through many a sleepless night, in hunger and thirst, often without food, in cold and exposure. And, apart from other things, there is the daily pressure on me of my anxiety for all the churches" 2 Corinthians 11:25. How could he rejoice during all this and give thanks to God? Our rejoicing is not in our circumstances, but in our God. Our circumstances are always changing, but our God is not ("Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever." Hebrews 13:8). Because God has been so good to us, even in our rebellion against Him, we have a reason to be joyful - and no circumstance on this earth can take away the beautiful and glorious thing He has done (Romans 5:8) So we, too, can like Paul say we are "sorrowful, yet always rejoicing" (2 Corinthians 6:10). And giving thanks? Our situation could always be worse. But we can be thankful for so much in Christ, mainly that He has not left us separated from Him and we have fullness of life in the life to come.

God has graciously given me eyes to see His goodness towards us even in this hard time, and I have much to be grateful for. Let me share with you a few of them:

The circumstances of the ultrasound - I see the midwives at Charlotte OBGYN at their Arboretum location. July 10th was the only day we could do the ultrasound and the only location available was the main office at CMC Medical Center near uptown. I would not have been able to be seen by the specialists at the Women's Institute until after the weekend had I not been at that location, and they got me in upstairs right away on a busy Friday.

Dr. Stein is on the left and the ultrasound technician is in the middle. These are the women that broke the news to me, cried with me and gave me hugs. It was not just another day at the office for them, and they were clearly shaken up by what they had to tell me. What a blessing to have such tender-hearted people at the beginning of all this. I knew I wanted to remember them for their kindness to me in the hardest moment of my life, so I ask if they would mind if I got a picture with them.

Neale Family Vacation - back in the spring, we planned to spend a week with my side of the family in the NC mountains from July 12-19. My family was in Charlotte starting the 9th (my mom was at the ultrasound, thank you, Lord). Being weary from grieving over the weekend, this could not have come at a better time and was exactly what I needed. My family was a blessing to us during such a needy time.

During our stay in the mountains, we found a nearby Chick-Fil-A and participated in their annual Cow Appreciation Day. Lots of free food for this family.

Support, Encouragement and Prayers - in the past 3 weeks, we have been overwhelmed with these. There were messages on Facebook, emails, texts, handwritten letters. Breakfast at our doorstep, dinner just when we needed it between trips, chocolate, fresh flowers and puzzles. Offers of meals and babysitting, connections to those who've been down this road. The church has been particularly good to us. Pastors and elders praying for us and wanting to be of help. Cards and letters from brothers and sisters in Christ. Even though many of you said you didn't know what to say, just saying something meant so much to us. We will need more of that in the months to come.

Examples - we have friends who have modeled before us how to suffer well. Family deaths, miscarriages, and other hard trials. They were open and vulnerable about what they were going through, so we were able to see how God sustained them in their suffering and made them more beautiful and faithful people because of it. I am also thankful for the biblical examples of Job and Paul whose accounts are recorded in Scripture.

Adele Joy - this girl. I know this sounds crazy to say about a toddler, but she is the most mature 15-month-old I know (at least on July 10th) - she came with us to the ultrasound and patiently sat with us as we cried and waited and met with multiple people for over 3 hours, all as we went into her lunchtime and naptime. She is such a sweet-natured girl and has given me countless hugs, kisses and snuggles in the past few weeks. She has been a "Joy" in the midst of great sorrows for our family and exactly what we have needed in this season. God hand-picked her for our family, we are sure of that.

This picture captures her sweetness to me. "Here's a flower for you, Mommy." Here's a hug. Here's a kiss. Here I am for you.

My husband - I cannot begin to imagine what this would be like walking this road without him. Artie is the leader of this family and has led us with strength and tenderness. I saw this in him when his father passed unexpectedly last year. He clearly loved his father deeply and shed many tears in his absence. But the grief did not consume him. He stepped up in a big way in the wake of his dad's death and was a blessing to many, most of all his family. He has not been afraid to feel deeply and to express his emotions. His love runs deep for his son as well, and his strong leadership will be a blessing to me when the times get especially dark. He is my greatest earthly blessing, and sometimes I can't believe he chose me to be his wife. We have been living out our marriage vows, "in joy and in sorrow", in our soon-to-be 4 years of marriage. I would not want to do this with anyone else and I thank God daily for the gift he is to me.

With these gifts of mine: Artie, Adele and Arthur

My God, my Savior - for all that I mentioned at the beginning of this post. He has not left me in my sin, He has given me a living hope. A hope beyond this world. He has given us His Word, and the Scriptures that I have read all these years have come alive to me in a new way these past few weeks (as you can probably tell by the blog posts). They have been a "lamp to my feet and a light to my path" (Psalm 119:105) on this dark road. Without my Lord, I would not be able to walk through this with any hope. I can be like Paul, sorrowful over the circumstances, but rejoicing in the eternal reality.

What about you? We all are probably suffering to different extents. Maybe it's something hard like we are going through, or the death of a family member or friend, or a difficult relationship, or joblessness, or bodily aches and pains. Even in your present circumstances, can you give thanks to God for something? Do you have joy even in the midst of your pain? It is not easy, but I have been richly blessed by thinking about such things and hope you will be too.

Life in the Womb

Arthur’s diagnosis is what every parent fears hearing in that ultrasound room. It has been two weeks since we received the devastating blow. My days go well when I live in the present. Today, I am pregnant with a sweet baby boy. When my mind wanders into the future, speculating what might happen in the coming months, dwelling on the days he won’t be with us, I am filled with deep sorrow and anxiety.

Today, Arthur is alive and kicking (literally kicking, I can feel him moving throughout the day and he gave a big kick the other day while we were riding in the car) in the comfort and warmth of my body. Maybe it is because we have been busy with traveling, but thankfully I can say I have been able to spend some time the past week and a half living in the present. In these two weeks, I have thought often about the value of Arthur's life and how I can make the most of it as he grows inside of me. The story of the pregnancies of John the Baptist and Jesus has come to mind:

In those days Mary arose and went with haste into the hill country, to a town in Judah, and she entered the house of Zechariah and greeted Elizabeth. And when Elizabeth heard the greeting of Mary, the baby leaped in her womb. And Elizabeth was filled with the Holy Spirit, and she exclaimed with a loud cry, “Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb! And why is this granted to me that the mother of my Lord should come to me? For behold, when the sound of your greeting came to my ears, the baby in my womb leaped for joy. And blessed is she who believed that there would be a fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord.” Luke 1:39-45 ESV

In this passage, Mary had gone to visit Martha after being told that she was going to give birth to the Messiah. The baby (John the Baptist) inside Elizabeth actually responded to the events happening outside of her body. The baby boy leapt for joy! I'm so thankful this little moment is recorded in Scripture. I receive weekly updates during my pregnancy that inform us how the baby is developing, and at this point in my pregnancy, doctors and experts say that babies can hear things from outside their mother's body. I love that science confirms what the Bible has already said to be true.

Since we learned of Arthur's condition, I am grasping in a whole new way the truth of this verse: "So teach us to number our days that we may gain a heart of wisdom." Psalm 90:12. I want to make the most of my days, of Arthur's days. I desire to have a heart of wisdom, the ability to live with my priorities in alignment with the heart of God. I have been sharing my life experiences with Arthur these past two weeks, and I want to do so for however long we have him. If he can really hear my voice, I want him to know what is important in this life and in the life to come. For those that know me, I have always loved taking pictures and documenting memories, and when it comes to Arthur I long for you to know him. And if not in person, then it is here on this blog that I can share these special moments and memories with you, dear friends and family.

Didn't have the time or resources on hand to fully dress Arthur up as a cow, but this is us on Cow Appreciation Day at Chick-Fil-A, July 14th. In typical American fashion, many of my experiences I will share with Arthur will be connected to food.

Arthur with his cousin Campbell. She seemed to be leaping for joy!

I don't always spend $6 on an ice cream bowl... but for my special little man? We're giving him the good stuff. The smell of freshly baked waffle bowls made it hard to resist. Kilwin's in Blowing Rock, NC.

At the top of Staghorn Falls.

This boy has loved himself some Dagwood's this summer. We ate there at least 10 times. And I don't feel bad about it. Sadly, Dagwood is located only in Myrtle Beach, where we spend a few weeks each summer for our job with Campus Outreach for the Summer Beach Project. 

A Name for Our Son

Arthur Neale Van Sciver

Arthur. For the past few generations, the Van Sciver family has named their first born son Arthur. They all have different middle names, but Artie's father's name is Arthur as well as his grandfather. Early on in both pregnancies, as we discussed names for our future children, we agreed it would be easier to choose a name for our firstborn son. We highly value our family and thought it would be a privilege to continue passing down the Arthur name. The Van Sciver Arthur men have been men of character. They are men deeply committed to their families. And they are men who have impacted and inspired many who have come into their lives. For those of you who don't know, the eldest Arthur passed away in February 2010 and we lost Artie's father unexpectedly early last year, right before Adele was born. It felt even more appropriate in light of these events. I have had the overwhelming sense that this Arthur, no matter how short or long his life on this earth, will inspire many towards a higher calling, bringing honor to the name Arthur just like his father, grandfather and great grandfather have done.

Neale. This is my maiden name. While trying to land on a name this week, I realized I didn't know the meaning of the name I grew up with. We looked at a few name databases and discovered Neale is of Celtic origin and means "champion". In the Bible, specifically the Old Testament, the prophet Isaiah foretold about a Champion, One that would fight against injustice and sin, yet gently lead those who would follow the Lord: "The Lord will march out like a champion, like a warrior he will stir up his zeal; with a shout he will raise the battle cry and will triumph over his enemies." (42:13 NIV). What is our greatest enemy? Death. And it's what we all deserve: "For the wages of sin is death..." (Romans 6:23a). But in the New Testament, we see that prophecy fulfilled in Jesus, winning that battle at the cross: "'Death is swallowed up in victory.' 'O death, where is your victory? O death, where is your sting?' The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ." (1 Corinthians 15:54b -57). Although we deserve death, "the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." (Romans 6:23b). Jesus is the Champion over death. As a follower of Christ, I do not have to fear, because death is not the end. That settled it for me. This boy is a champion in my heart because Jesus is the Champion over the grave. His middle name is a reminder to us that the battle is not lost when he dies. We can have much hope in what is to come.

One of the things I particularly loved about the name: he shares his name with his Daddy and Mommy. Arthur Richard Van Sciver & Kittery Neale Van Sciver. He is a part of us and will always be with us. And a part of us will go with him when he leaves us.

I am so very thankful we know he is a boy. And I am so very thankful we get to give him a name. Being able to call him Arthur this past week made our relationship with him much more intimate, as we have shared our hearts, thoughts and experiences with him. And I am so very thankful that death does not have to be the end.

We spent the past week in the Blue Ridge Mountains of North Carolina. We took a drive on the Blue Ridge Parkway, and it was on this outing we decided on this name.

Me and my precious, precious Arthur Neale.

My sweet, little Arthur. My precious son. Your Mommy and Daddy love you so. Your Champion loves you even more. Much more than you will ever know.

Baby Van Sciver

Dear ones,

I never thought I would venture into the blogging realm, but because of the circumstances of our lives, we have arrived here. We want to have a platform to communicate with our loved ones as we navigate through this storm we are presently going through. Thank you for being a part of this journey we are embarking on.

This past Friday, July 10th, Artie and I went in for our routine mid-pregnancy ultrasound for our second child due in early December. We were joyfully anticipating seeing our little baby on that screen and eventually finding out the gender. We have done much traveling this summer and found one day we could squeeze in this appointment. For the past few weeks I have been feeling those little kicks and I couldn't wait to see what was going on inside of me. 

We were not 30 seconds into the scan, when the ultrasound technician told us something was very wrong and she needed to go get the doctor. There was a heartbeat, but something was not measuring right with our baby's head. Our worst fears were realized when the doctor told us,

"Your baby will not be compatible with life outside the womb. I am so sorry."

And with those words, our world turned upside down. Everything we have been dreaming of since we found out in March we were pregnant again: planning for life with two children in the home, Adele getting to be a big sister, holding and snuggling a newborn, navigating through the early challenges of nursing, and much much more. We were sent upstairs to meet with another doctor, a genetic counselor and have a more detailed ultrasound, which confirmed the diagnosis.

Anencephaly. A neural tube defect. In those early days of pregnancy before I even knew we were, our precious baby's skull and brain did not properly form. We also found out we have a son. We cried tears of joy and great sadness when she told us. Our sweet baby boy. Kicking, squirming, and putting his little hand to his mouth. A strong heartbeat. He can live and thrive in my body and he has a chance to make it to full term. But how do you prepare to both meet and say goodbye to your child?

These past few days have been, by far, the hardest days of my life. Grief, sorrow, and uncertainty with what lies ahead for our little family. In these days while the news is still "sinking in", I have found comfort in these words:

"But now thus says the Lord, he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel: 'Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you out by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through the fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you. For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.'"  Isaiah 43:1-3

and these as well...

"Have you not known? Have you not heard?

The Lord is the everlasting God,

the Creator of the ends of the earth.

He does not faint or grow weary;

his understanding is unsearchable.

 He gives power to the faint,

and to him who has no might he increases strength.

 Even youths shall faint and be weary,

and young men shall fall exhausted;

 but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength;

they shall mount up with wings like eagles;

they shall run and not be weary;

they shall walk and not faint."  Isaiah 40:28-31

A major trial has come our way. When I look at the road ahead of us, I don't know how we are going to get through this and I weep at the thought of what's to come. We do not know the outcome, but we know that our God will be with us, give us what we need, and not let this consume us. 

In the coming days and weeks, we will try our best to keep you, family and dear friends, updated on this precious little boy, who is already loved so deeply by his Mommy and Daddy.