Prayers & Needs

I am so thankful for all of you who have contacted me in some way, letting me know that you are praying for us. I want to thank you for your comments, your messages, and your letters. I read every single one. I cherish them. You have brought much encouragement to me through them.

Many of you, friends and family, have asked how you can help. We received Arthur's diagnosis three weeks ago, and are just now settling back in at home after our summer travels. One of the things that is so hard for me in this is that life goes on as normal. I am still pregnant. Arthur will continue to grow. Adele is still a toddler and needs much of her Mommy and Daddy's attention. I still have to meal plan and take care of the house, and Artie still works every day at the Campus Outreach Charlotte Resource Center. I will still have regular prenatal appointments and we will still prepare a birth plan. But, most likely we won't be preparing a new room for him. We will likely not be having a shower receiving things that would help us raise him. We probably won't be pulling out all the newborn and baby stuff from the attic. If we get any time with him after he is born, we will be planning for how to make the most of that. We will be making decisions we never thought we would have to make for any of our children. We serve a God who can raise the dead and perform miracles. But we will have to be prepared if He doesn't intervene in that way. It's hard to share these things, but I want to be honest about the things that come to mind and cause me grief in this season. It feels hard to ask for help right now because I know there will be a time in the future where the grief will be even more intense.

It also feels hard to ask for help because it means not only acknowledging that we need it but also fighting thoughts of burdening others. Having wanted to help others who have suffered, I often struggled to know what would be most helpful. I was always thankful when specific needs were shared. The thoughts below are just that - thoughts, and certainly not expectations. I write these with the many in mind who have sincerely told us to tell them if there is anything they could do. Thank you again for your gracious and loving offers.

INITIATE - as much as we want to see, talk, spend time with so many of our loved ones and friends, we have a diminished capacity to initiate to and coordinate with everyone in this season. We are in no way shying away from community - we know we need you - it would just be extremely helpful to us to be initiated toward.

For all: Like I said, I have loved receiving messages and letters. I read them all and am moved by your compassion towards our family. They mean so much to us. If you are reading a passage in the Bible and we come to mind, please share that with us. It lets us know you are sharing our burden with us. 

For those in the area: there have been many offers of meals. Meals would be so helpful. If you are one of these people, send a message to Artie or me, proposing a day or time. "Would it be helpful if I brought you a meal this week?" My good friend did this 2 weeks ago - she asked if she could bring a meal to us when we got back in town - and that was relieving and delightful! Another friend left breakfast at our door the day after we found out about Arthur's condition. Another made a meal when we were between travel. There have also been offers of babysitting to which I would say the same: I would love the help. It would be helpful to initiate a specific offer: "Kittery, would you and Artie like to go out Friday night and I watch Adele for you?" "Is there a day this week I could take Adele in the morning so you can have time to yourself?" Also, as a people-person, I'm always looking for things to do with Adele outside of the house in the mornings, or have people come be with us at our home. Anyone out there with a pool to help us on these hot days? 

For those out of town: You might not be able to offer babysitting or drop off a meal, but you could contribute to a date night through a gift card to a restaurant. We are cheap dates and rarely go out unless we have a coupon for something. There are also some days when I feel overwhelmed with my life that sometimes it's easier to go pick up something for dinner (or like this week, dinner was a complete failure - so Artie went to get Chipotle while I tried to pull myself together). Care-packages and flowers have been special too.

For the men: If you are in the area and babysitting and meals aren't your specialty, initiating an offer to help Artie with yard work on the weekends would be a loving gift to us. With a needy wife and an active toddler, he can only do so much on a Saturday. There is a lot he wants to do with the backyard. We also have some rooms upstairs we have been intending to paint since we moved here last fall, but just haven't gotten around to doing it.

For the artistic: you can use your talents to help us celebrate and remember Arthur. I didn't do this with Adele and wasn't planning on it in future pregnancies, but photographer friends, I would love the opportunity to have special maternity photos, if we are able to, since most of his life here on earth will probably be right here inside of me.

ACKNOWLEDGE - please don't be afraid to talk about Arthur with us. We know that most people know now, and while you might not want to risk saying the wrong thing, silence can be just as hurtful as saying something wrong. We love him so. He is a part of our family. If you are around me, ask me how he's doing. I'll tell you about his movements and what food he's been enjoying lately. Include him in conversation. Acknowledging his existence means the world to me because he is right here with me even if you can't see him. Yes, it is painful to talk about the future, but we are trying our best to soak up every moment we have with him.

PRAY - this is the most important one. There is no one that can help us more than our heavenly Father, who hears your prayers and ours.

For those who want to know more specifically how to pray for us in this season of grieving and waiting, what is commonly known as the Lord's Prayer, found in Matthew 6), has been on my mind for a few weeks and has been a model for my own time in prayer. It also happens to be the preaching content on Sunday mornings at our church over here at the end of the summer, which my soul has been blessed by.

Our Father in heaven,

hallowed be your name

The word hallow means "to honor". It is my desire that through my life, my heavenly Father would be honored as he deserves. Pray that His name would be honored in our lives, including Arthur's.

Your kingdom come,

Your will be done,

on earth as it is in heaven

God has inclined my heart to long for His Kingdom. He rules and reigns over all things. Arthur's life and this trial is not out of bounds. He governs even this. There are things God can very well do. Fix his head. Make him live. Remove the pain we feel. And please pray for those things. But pray that His "will be done", not my own, submitting to what He doing. Please pray that even in our grief and sorrow, we would be faithful to do His will and that we would trust what His will is for us in this situation. And pray also that the kingdom of God would come into the lives of those who do not yet know the Father, through our testimony and our ministry.

Give us this day our daily bread

Boy, do I need this one. We all do. Are we not all prone to worry about tomorrow, the coming week, the coming months? Jesus shortly after this segment on prayer talks about it: "And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life?" Matthew 6:27. Like I said in a previous post, when my mind wanders to the days, weeks and months that lie ahead for us, I can only grieve more. Paul says it well in Philippians, "do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." (4:6-7). Pray that God would give us what we need to live out today. Pray for this peace that surpasses all understanding. And pray for our minds to be guarded in Christ, not wandering off where they shouldn't go.

and forgive us our debts,

as we also have forgiven our debtors.

And lead us not into temptation, 

but deliver us from evil

I do not get a pass on certain things, sinful things, just because I'm going through something hard. I am tempted to be short with people, most immediately, Artie and Adele. I am tempted to be anxious and worry, thinking of all the worst-case scenarios. I am tempted to give up on my responsibilities as a wife and mother some days. I am tempted to neglect time with God. I am tempted to doubt. Jesus said to his disciples during a trying time for them, "Watch and pray that you may not enter into temptation. The spirit is indeed willing, but the flesh is weak." Matthew 26:41. I am not a perfect person and I have already fallen in those areas I mentioned above. I need forgiveness for the sins I have committed and strength to overcome the temptation to do it more.

So with our routine prenatal appointment this Wednesday, pray these things. For the next ultrasound at the end of the month as well. We are weak, but He is strong. He is the Giver of life, our Sustainer, our Healer, our Comfort, and our Hope.

Little Arthur playing with the big boys. I was out in the driveway with Adele and we got challenged in a few races. We ended up with a few victories! Shared Arthur's name with the boys too. When is the last time I rode a Razor scooter?

We jumped into the chilly waters at the Carolina Hemlocks Recreation Area near Mount Mitchell with our staff team. Not sure how he liked that...

Artie and I just celebrated our 4th anniversary on the 7th. I like to get a picture of us every year with the # for our anniversary. The 4 is for four years, but it is also sweetly acknowledges the four of us.

Chick-fil-a breakfast date with my kiddos.